Let me tell you my story.
You may know a little of it already from my profile and my basic descriptions have my core beliefs made loud and clear. Though of course, there were a certain chain of events that lead to me finally deciding to write this blog.
It was a dark time just a few months ago. I had become a young professional at the start of the year and a full-time office worker around that time. At first the excitement was high, I had only worked part time before and in retail positions mainly.
I’d never had my own desk before and a large workplace scene, not to mention a complete pay check. I was a ‘big girl’ now, in a big world. Friends and relatives were happy and proud of me for having landed a role right in the middle of the CBD.
That feeling lasted roughly a month.
Soon I had learned all the skills for the role and was managing to do everything needed of me very well. I managed anyone under me professionally and was getting quotas done, sometimes even way ahead of time. Then the hours just started to drip by, I was still perfectly capable of fulfilling my workload, but in my mind…there was nothing happening. My thoughts were running elsewhere, simply not being challenged by my work. Disinterested, maybe. I had taken to listening to music with my earphones for hours and hours, even podcasts, anything to keep something entertaining there.
Then I began to notice my house was slowly falling apart. The other members of my household were either too occupied by school or worked longer hours. I had been the homemaker sibling for a while and now my work was gradually becoming undone. (To note, I travel for hours just to get to and from work, I barely have enough time to eat, bathe and tidy when I get home. Then it’s bedtime and back to work the next day.)
Dishes were piling up, dust was just building everywhere, items were not being returned to rightful places, the floor became dirty. I had even stopped cooking altogether because there was just no time, we were eating even more packed foods and oven cooked meals. Knowing all of this, my heart started to break. I couldn’t even do anything about it. The weekend times were not enough, especially if we had family time and went out together.
Meanwhile at work, I was feeling empty and time was only getting slower, to the point I was actually starting to feel more tired going home than ever before. I noticed that that was because my emotions had crashed down into the abyss. Slowly, but surely. This was only magnified by how many times at work I began to feel depressed, I was missing my actual house and wishing I was there.
I thought about it, maybe I could start homemaking again, or just work part-time, teach and write, which were my passions. Then once I finally admitted that this is what I wanted, like a falling wave, I was bombarded with the negativity of everyone around me.
“You can’t be just dependent and idle.”
“Every woman has a career nowadays, that’s not a career.”
“Why would you put a man first in your life?”
“That’s not a real job.”
“…isn’t there anything else you want to do?”
Then there was the most hurtful of all, which actually came from a relative.
“I expected better from you, I’m disappointed in you…you had so much potential.”
Many, many times I cried. I’m strong and outspoken now, but back then, I wept. Secretly at work, during bathroom breaks, just before I went to bed. I asked myself, why was I made like this? Why did I want a calling that was so wrong? Why can’t I be just the same as everyone else? This liberal world was working against me, and I’ll never get to become a writer, teacher and homemaker. I’ll never find anyone. I grew to hate myself, what I wanted in life and my femininity. Which in turn had made me spiteful and closed to everyone. I just didn’t want to be exposed to the negativity anymore.
Then, a group of beautiful women who I usually have tea and chat with suggested a mind-changing idea. It was so simple, common sense really.
Why don’t you just accept who you are? Society isn’t always right, if it was the world would be perfect.
What they say may be right, but not right for you.
This message took a long time to sink in for me. Accept myself? Accept all the odds against me? The answer was yes. This is who I am and this is what I’ve always loved, in a liberal society like Australia that really sucks, but it is what it is. I guess it is a very typical thing for many young people, and it happens in many unique ways. You feel the pressure of society to conform and in my case everyone was raised to be a left liberal, should be one and if you’re not, you’re made an outcast.
I did plenty of soul-searching (as cliche as this sounds) and looked deep into my life, thoughts and personality. I meditated, I wrote, I researched on my traditional values. Eventually I realised three powerful things that would change my life.
- You can live your life against the current of society, there’s nothing wrong with that if what you’re doing is bringing you happiness and not hurting others. Family (or those who treat you like family) can be your greatest support and sticking together will make your values strong, you’ll feel less isolated, less lonely and less vulnerable to the misinformed media and materialism it glorifies.
- There are always people who feel outcasted exactly in the same way as you are, you just haven’t found them yet. No matter how far outside the fringe you are. Oh and the society’s mainstream? It’s not really for everybody.
- Live the life that you want to now and own it. Believe in it and be proud of it, express your true self.
I want to be a housewife and homemaker, a teacher, I want to be a writer too. I don’t want some hotshot career and get big bucks to become a CEO or something. What I value in my life cannot ever be measured by money- a warm home and a kind of care that is full of love, comfort and acceptance is what I will bring to this society. I will make my husband feel like a treasured king, loved and appreciated for what he does and my children will grow up also feeling loved, wholly supported and cherished. Before then, I will teach children how to express themselves, understand literature and to have great values. The same is for my writing, which is why I started this blog- this is like a home, where women like me (and traditional men) can feel safe, supported and happy.
So I took my vintage-inspired clothing out of my closet and pushed away the fears of looking immature (since I have a baby face), I took out my handkerchiefs and fans again. I started wearing them proudly, even if I stood out in the office. I smiled more often and giggled in my natural, lighter tone of voice instead of trying to manipulate the sound. I was a domestic, feminine lady, inside and out, no matter what anybody thought of me. I am finally completely myself and living my inner self. I’m not married or a housewife at the moment, but I am a domestic lady who is damned proud of it and one day, I will make my own family proud too.
Because of this difficult, inner journey, I came to realise that this self-acceptance and pride would also be challenging for many traditional women like me. Especially young women who didn’t even have their own families yet, because they technically can’t be a homemaker for them. Single women are being constantly pressured to soar with their careers by this liberal society and while that’s great for some, women who don’t fall into that category get outcasted and basically trampled on.
I wanted to share my experiences and my thoughts to all the women, young and old, as well as all the men who would listen. I want you all to know these important lessons I’ve learned, so you can realise how wonderful your traditional aspirations and beliefs are, because it’s totally okay to have them. They are a noble thing and no one can ever change that.
Somebody does see the misery feminism is causing to society, to both men and women.
Somebody does care about homemaking as an aspiration, and it’s completely fine to want to be a housewife.
Somebody is out there walking against the tide of liberalism and is willing to push back against their bullying and oppression.
I’m here for you. That Stepford Gal.