I definitely have some happy news to share, very happy news.
Maybe it really is true, I have been believing in it myself and putting into practice but even I am surprised when it becomes reality: A true lady attracts a true gentleman. I am pleased to say I have found myself a great gentleman that I can now call my significant other. He is understanding, caring, traditional and intelligent, we connect emotionally, politically and intellectually so well!
Though enough about that, I won’t spend a whole post raving. Simply because I do have something more important things to do, I will make some promises to myself in order to make our relationship thrive. I know he has his ways too, but I can really only control my actions and my side, so I will do that now.
Having been single for a couple of years now, there was a lot of time for me to reflect on relationships, not just my own, in general. Values and beliefs, what is liberal and what is traditional, people’s outlooks on relationships and the current state of relationships nowadays. You have to admit it’s depressing: divorces are only increasing by the year and it seems happily ever after is becoming more and more of a rarity.
Except, happily ever after does require time, effort and loving initiative. That is something I learned and will hopefully put to practice now. Starting with these valuable lessons that I have learned from my own experiences, some great relationship experts and some amazing wives and women who seem to have figured it out.
1) I will not be aggressive.
Whoa there, tiger. Hold your horses for a moment. I can openly say I am independent, headstrong and quite critical of my surroundings (even my partner says so) but that does not mean I cannot defer and listen. I will look at my partner’s leadership qualities and responsibility and respect them.
He is the pilot, but I am the first officer, it requires the two of us to run things. As a woman, it is a bit of a burden off your shoulders to not have to decide on some things and trust your partner, which in itself is a challenge too.
2) I will be his place of comfort.
We are in a very traditional relationship. I am studying and only working part time minimally, while he is working full time in a demanding field. He leads us and takes the initiative on our wonderful dates and time together. For all his efforts and the time I have, I will make sure that he can always turn to me when he is weary and worried. I will listen and if needed, give advice.
3) I will know when to just let things be (appropriately).
I really am trying not to sound archaic and failing, so let me explain. There are little things in a relationship that definitely irritates partners about one another. So he doesn’t like cleaning his room. So he doesn’t like organising for trips and simply goes with the flow. So he wants to leave the party early, you included. These things are not relationship breakers, these are not deal breakers. Too many women nag about little things nowadays that end up doing more damage than anything. If it’s not a serious threat to my relationship and merely a minor or rare annoyance, I’ll let it go. There are a lot more important things to worry about, things that can bring positivity and growth.
4) I will not compare him to other men.
This one is a bit of a doozy yet women do it all the time. I think if my partner is great in our relationship and we are not in any serious risk emotionally or physically in regards to it, there is no excuse to compare. There will always be people that seem to be ‘doing better’ or whatnot and suddenly just because you see them, you forget how great your own relationship is already. I definitely won’t, I don’t truly know how their relationship is 100% since I’m not them, so I will not bother comparing.
5) I will not badmouth him.
Seriously. There are times when partners can do something to upset one another and unless it could be a serious relationship risk or poses some real life danger, its best to keep complaints about my partner to a minimum when it comes to talking to my friends. Talking sh*t basically destroys any good opinion of my SO that my friends have, much more than what I may intend. A stint of complaining about a temporary problem, where someone can be quite emotional and dramatic as they are quite caught up on it can ruin the SO’s reputation. It may be temporary for the complainant but for the friends? It could be a long, lasting damage. Also, it makes you look sort of like an idiot for choosing somebody that’s so ‘bad’ because you’re complaining this much about him. There may be a temptation to vent when caught up in the moment, but I will let it pass by when the time comes.
As an extra thing, I will also be as positive as I can be and become a source of brightness and joy in his life, something to look forward to.
I am not perfect and nor is he, almost everyone in relationships makes these mistakes. However it definitely works better if I am actively trying and keeping an eye on my own actions. To simply be aware and making a conscious effort can make a huge difference compared to not putting any effort in at all.
I’ll probably look back at this post regularly and ask myself: have I stuck to these commitments?
I’d like the answer to be yes.