In Australia and many other countries, this Sunday is the special Mother’s Day, which to me is a somewhat bittersweet time. All the imagery of smiling mothers, feminine gifts and flowers make me a little melancholy yet hopeful at the same time.
As some of you would know, I was raised by a single father, my mother was not really an influence in my life since she had left. For many years, I did not really have a motherly influence, which definitely hindered me in my teenage years when it came to finding my identity and realising my values. My grandmother only came into my life in my late teens since she was not in the country beforehand.
In a way, I did feel envious of those who had the chance to celebrate Mother’s Day through those years, while I did not. My sibling and I revered my father during Father’s Day, but of course, Mother’s Day was still around every year. In the last couple of years I saw how my mood changed in this time of year and actively tried to change it. It would not be a Mother’s Day without a Mother, it will be a Mother’s Day to foreshadow what would one day be my own Day.
Being the oldest sibling with a single father, I learned the matriarchal responsibilities of the family, without much of a choice, from a younger age than most. I became a sort of familial partner of his, the one to advise in difficult situations, the one to calm him down if he was exasperated, the one to discuss politics with, since my father had no one else for a long time. My sibling was much too young. Like I have said before, this is how I learned how to respect men and how to, in a way, take care of a husband/father. Of course, I did not manage this fully, as I was still just a daughter at the end of day- though I am still proud to say I know more than most.
I want to be a mother one day, that is for sure. I want to be a mother to little boys, though girls are great too.
It’s not such a big surprise, after all I did mention that I love babies and whenever I see them, I know that I want to have one of my own, probably more than one!
After all these years, struggling to find an identity, I finally found mine, not long before I started this blog. I found it completely. In my younger years I looked everywhere for an identity, from people and places, though now I know my identity had always been inside me all along, I just had to find it by looking deep within myself and learning to accept what I had, what I wanted and what my values were.
That is how I know, being who I truly am, that I can be a great mother.
A mother who looks out for her children in every way, who is proud of them every time she lays eyes on them. A mother who always wants to be with her children, so they always have someone to turn to, no matter what. A mother who may fuss at times and seem a little silly, but does so to bring joy and laughter. A mother who loves their father so much and takes care of him all the time. A mother who respects their father as the head of the household but helps him with her thoughtful and insightful advice. A mother who shows her children what a great partnership a marriage and parenthood can be. A mother who is wise and comforting when she listens.
A mother who brings a unique warmth and light to the home…to their whole lives.