Inspiration & Decor · Motivation

That Stepford Gal Lessons 101: On Elegance, Manners & Poise:

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Many famous women who are admired and loved for their beauty, wisdom and love in history didn’t sit there with sweat pants (or whatever the historic equivalent is) and unkempt hair while cursing left and right.

You can have the best grasp of femininity, but your SO (or future SO) will not have the chance to know it if you do not present yourself well enough so that he would see at your most beautiful.

As a background, I came from a culture where etiquette and grace are taught within the upper middle and upper class and when I went to the West, I did lose sight of it and began to think of it as outdated and weak. Little did I know how of wrong I was at that time.

These lessons come from my lovely grandmother, the daintiest, littlest wise woman I know.

1. Clothing
Dressing feminine can vary due to how everybody having their own styles. However, the most feminine way you can dress is through a skirt and dress, especially those that are not short or mini. A mini skirt (with no leggings) and a dress that basically hides nothing exudes immaturity and carelessness. Skirts that are close to or even past your knees are a great option, I prefer those that are tight on the waist and flair out, accentuating the curves of the body. As for shirts, slight ruffles, lace or a ribbon as part of the design make for great staple partners for skirts. If you find yourself needing to wear pants, pair it with a fairly feminine shirt. As for dresses, I find the best dresses are floral ones or even vintage style dresses, which is basically my whole wardrobe. Wear tights with them in winter (I don’t wear pants much at all, so I will not comment on that, sorry!).
When it comes to shoes, Mary Janes are a wonderful everyday shoe with tights, while classic pointed heels (or even as flats) will basically match with anything feminine. Flats with subtle designs (like mentioned above with the ribbon, etc) also work.

How To Apply: Search Google for pictures of Audrey Hepburn outfits, Lucille Ball outfits and outfits of the Queen and other female members of the Royal Family.

2. Manner Of Speech
Cursing should be a rare thing, I’ll just get that out of the way. Aside from the obvious manners such as saying please and thank you, when out in general, do not forget to say thank you when your man pulls out the chair or opens the door for you. Pair it with a smile.
When you speak, as my grandmother says, pretend as if you are speaking to a shy but intelligent child. Speak clearly and at a moderate pace (it’s not a race!) in general and don’t forget to smile.
Phrases such as ‘Excuse me’ or ‘Pardon me’ are very becoming of a lady, don’t be afraid to say ‘My apologies’ in a gentle tone if you think you may have done something wrong. Of course, you do not have to speak this way 100% of the time, you may get quite excited, surprised or even just emotional at times during the conversation. I would say 70-80% of the time. Your date/SO loves to see your emotions as well, as a delightful surprise.

How To Apply: Watch old movies from the 50-60s, my suggestions are Sound of Music, Breakfast At Tiffany’s and White Christmas and watch how the main female characters speak. There is a refined and graceful way to be calm, excited and even angry when it comes to vocal tone.

3. Posture
Think beyond just standing straight, emphasise the arch of your back slightly. It may feel a little crude at first but while standing straight try to push your butt out slightly, this further reinforces an opposition to the typical slouching that everybody tends to do. I find that most people do tend to have better posture when they are more conscious of how their butt is positioned as it is hard to check if your back is straight all the time, you’re not always in front of a mirror. Do not focus on squaring your shoulders too much, as tall shoulders are a very masculine trait, focus on the small of your back and your behind.
When walking with heels, walk with heel to the toe.
When sitting down, if you can, try to cross your legs most of the time.

How To Apply: Google Search photos of the Duchess of Cambridge, Kate. There are so many photos of her standing and walking while heading to places. Take note of how she holds her purse or bag close to her middle, this is a very graceful gesture that emits an aura of conservativeness and carefulness.

4. Accessories
Yes, a modern lady still has many accessories available to her! My favourite is my fan and handkerchief. I often get very flustered when indoors, so my fan is quite useful in keep my face cool and when my SO first saw it, he was rather enchanted. Fans are also great for pointing out things subtly, it is not so rude as finger pointing. I always carry a handkerchief since I tend to get quite fiddly with my hands and I like having something to hold. It is so useful to have a scented handkerchief say, if you’re at a crowded place that happens to be stinky! Just cover your face.
Of course, handkerchiefs are great for cleaning up small things like stains, spills, stray lipstick and if your nose becomes a little sweaty (make sure to wash them often!). If you tend to laugh loudly or even show too much teeth (trust me, ask your relatives or close friends, they will tell you if you do), a handkerchief is a great buffer when you’re giggling, smiling or laughing. When I do blush, it helps me feel a little less shy!
Match your jewellery if you can, or at least have them all made from a unifying material. A matching set of jewellery shows you are organised and well-put.
When it comes to bags, choose a bag that is timeless in design and colour. Don’t opt for trend bags that have wacky shapes or outlandish colors and designs, unless they tend to match most of your wardrobe. It will be easier for you as you won’t have to buy as many bags to match your wardrobe and you’re saving money in the process. Black, tan and red are amazingly versatile colours for bags.

How To Apply: Shop around for handkerchiefs or even fans at your local department store, they always have some.

5. Hygiene
This is basically a list of do’s and don’t’s.
If you can help it, do not fart loudly, pick your nose or scratch anywhere near your nether regions in public or in front of your SO! Go to a toilet instead. I’ve seen this and people really don’t realise what they are doing.
Always wear perfume and some makeup whenever you head out, even if it is just a little bit of lipstick or mascara. When everyone can tell you put effort into how you look, it reinforces your femininity.
Have some sort of cleaning tool with you always, whether it is your handkerchief, tissues, wipes or even hand sanitisers in your bag, so in the event of spills, stains or even messy food, you can rest easy.

My final thoughts: This is not about completely falsifying yourself. For many women, especially those that grew up with feminism like I did, you were truly taught to disregard some of these tendencies as mentioned above from a young age. You get told that that is weak, makes you seem fragile or even a bit of a pansy, these people don’t know what they are talking about.
Many of these behaviours, attitudes and gestures are already innate for many women, when you giggle you feel a little shy, so it would be great to have something there as a buffer. When you are dressed well, you feel a sense of excitement from looking beautiful, like a princess going to a ball (almost!).
When you are saying ‘Please’ and ‘Thank you’ in a very sweet way, you are getting to express some of your happiness, especially if you are having a great time with your SO.

You do not have to follow everything here, some of you may already be practicing these tips. If you’re practicing some of these and you’re already feeling more pretty and dainty (and excited about it), you’re on the right track.

For some of you, release the amazing princess from within (Corny, I know). The you who wanted to be in gowns, sings to sweet songs and giggles when she is excited (if you don’t have her, that’s okay!).

When you carry yourself with grace, poise and elegance, you are showing the world (at least those in the world who actually have half a brain) that you are in control of yourself, you know your worth and capabilities and that you have a sweet, open heart. You are approachable, wonderful to talk to and quite the gem!

5 thoughts on “That Stepford Gal Lessons 101: On Elegance, Manners & Poise:

  1. Wonderful! I was raised by a STAUNCH feminist mother, aunt, and grandma. I love them. However, it has taken me a very, very long time to even realise I had a BIG problem!!
    My poor husband…but I am learning. Praise God.
    Mrs.O

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Kate Middleton is neither conservative nor careful. She is not an example of good morals, virtue, or feminine grace. She has poor posture, is immodest, an exhibitionist, a serial flasher, and is quite disrespectful of protocol, her country, the institution she represents and those around her (the Queen, guests, charity workers, her husband while flirting with other men, etc). She wears extremely tight, revealing clothing (jeggings and jeans that reveal the separate outlines of her bottom cheeks) and likes to go without underwear while wearing light skirts/dresses that fly up.

    This behavior is pathological as she would even frequently moon her classmates while in school. and there are pictures of her (and her sister) topless on a yacht while dating her now husband.

    We know from the French topless photo scandal, that she has continued this behavior. While she complains about the intrusion of her supposed privacy while frolicking naked outdoors, a real lady would have taken the dignity and morals of her employees into consideration. A virtuous, feminine, woman would never go nude around male and female employees or those in subordinate positions to her. I feel very sorry for those who are under her employ.

    She is inelegant, lacks manners, and lacks poise. She can’t keep her mouth shut, continually gapes with laughter, and behaves inappropriately at sombre occasions.

    Her behavior is completely outrageous and not to be imitated by women of worth.

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    1. Oh I see, I stand corrected. I merely meant the way Kate represents herself in the eye of the media during formal events, where she is pressured to adopt a very ladylike way of presentation, even when in personality she is not, as you have proven to me. That was my specific reference, though I understand that what you say about her is right.

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