Oh yes, I’m a child of divorced parents.
Oh no, I’m not religious at all.
As I do not like the idea of single parenting, one of the main reasons that it resulted from is the fact that I am just not for divorce.
Let me clarify: No-Fault Divorce.
That thing from the seventies definitely tore many families apart and still continues to do so today. Especially when it comes to families where there already is children, it’s just cruel if it’s unnecessary in the first place.
Fault Divorce? Of course! Sometimes a marriage must be dissolved because of infidelity, violence and lack of responsibilities that have no hope for change. Those are all perfectly acceptable reasons for a divorce since staying married or staying with the particular partner will actually harm the family and the children, sometimes physically. That is nonnegotiable and children should not be subjected to a marriage like that as they will be exposed to danger and at the very least, horrible examples of parenthood.
Yet, more often than not, divorces stem from simple disagreements or as the phrase I often hear from celeb magazines are ‘irreconcilable differences’. To put it simply: mommy and daddy can’t get along so they will just part ways.
There is a reason why marriage exists and it is a good reason in itself- it’s meant to put two people together who love each other and mould their lives into one, so they are forever stuck with each other and have to work out their differences and the hardships they encounter together. With no way out as the only choice is for them to work hard to cooperate with one another, which of course needs understanding, trust, and respect. You develop these values the longer you work together as man and wife, as a married couple (I can go on and on about this all day, however I think clinical psychologist Jordan Peterson explains it better here).
Divorce robs children of the opportunity to have a balanced experience of parenthood, since they are subjected to live with single mothers and fathers. That or mum and dad are playing part time day care as they jump from house to house. When children see mum and dad working hard to understand and cooperate with each other, they learn about resilience and compromise, great values that they can take with them through their whole lives. I definitely did not see that myself very much with my own parents, which is a shame.
So how do you minimise the chances of divorce from the very beginning?
Pick a good partner to be your spouse, that’s the key. While no one can be completely perfectly sure, there are general measures to take such as vetting (to make sure there’s no red flags), having sufficient time together and discussing your ideas of relationships, roles and marriage to see if they match thoroughly. You know a couple is a good one if they can talk about how their lives will blend as one, later down in their relationship, with clear detail and everything having its place. Even when it comes to the time that there will be children. That’s the only way to be sure, though sadly many people don’t do these things often at all.
They just marry for ‘love’ or because they’ve been together long enough and ‘why not’.
Yes, why not just ruin your lives and your future children’s lives?