Very surprisingly, men don’t know the exact direction they want to take or their initial approach when they first meet or speak to a woman they are interested in. They leave it to the context completely or rely on improvisation. This could be in person when they first see each other or meet or even if they match on a dating app and have to basically text each other. First impressions last, though I think many misunderstand this notion. It’s not exactly what you say that women remember most of the time, it’s how you said it and how you actually took action to approach and speak to her. It’s the overall feel of the meeting.
In Person: It all depends on where you are. If you are in a busy, crowded place, the best thing to do is approach her and ask for help on something (directions, the menu/listings, a specific action for the event/location) and then genuinely thank her for her help. No winking or a large cheesy smile, some women like cheesy smiles, others see them as over-the-top and a little too much. Use her answer to build on with more questions, questions about the location/event, how well she knows it, her general suggestions and then gauge whether she seems really interested in talking to you before making a move. The key is to move the discussion to something else you are doing throughout the week- two options come to mind:
“Would you like to discuss ____ more throughout the week? Maybe for coffee or lunch?”
“Oh I was thinking of doing going to this ____ lunch/coffee place, want to join me, if you’re free?”
If you are in a quiet place, change your manner and simply approach and comment on something you are enjoying/admiring within the location/event.
“This ____ is ____, isn’t it?”
“I think _____ is just ____, don’t you?”
As an extra point, my SO has also added that if you happen to frequent the same place together, that it is not a one-time meeting thing, it won’t hurt to say ‘hi’ and ‘how are you’ a few times, judge her reaction from there and maybe after some time, approach her and start a conversation. Since after all, you do have the rapport already.
Online: Many also make the mistake of assuming that an in person approach would be very similar to an online approach. It isn’t, since you are relying on text completely, you have minimal resources to show a woman about your personal atmosphere. All you have is a picture and some profile text, then you’re thrown straight into the text-talking.
Tip – Have a decent picture, there’s already some good suggestions online with decent examples about what would be good profile pictures. As for your profile, keep it simple and cover three things: what do you do, an interesting hobby and a belief that you have about something general and random (not deep beliefs or something judgemental). All of this in just a couple of sentences. No need to go and on then add some wise-ass quote, joke or worse, a damn pick up line.
What should you do? Stick to five long messages before asking/not asking her out to meet. Don’t just say ‘hey’ or ‘what you up to?’ to try and sound cool and simple.
You know what that is? Boring. Typical.
Comment on something from her profile (of course you should have picked her because of what her personality and looks seems to be) and compare it to something you know to start a meaningful conversation. Add a little something such as your opinion (nothing too far) on top. Here’s a sample.
Hi ____, how are you today/tonight? I saw that you seem to like reading books on history, what sort of books do you read? I usually like reading and lately I’ve been in a bit of a rut in getting around to reading. How do you get to reading through your history books yourself?
The main and only similarity between these two approaches is the topic that you start with. You pick something interesting about her or the location/event then ask a question and talk a little bit about it, though moreso online to make up for the lack of in person atmosphere to give her a bit of a sense of your train of thought.
Once you’ve done that, keep responding meaningfully and ask questions as she does. If she’s responding to your statements and questions fairly well, that means she’s quite interested or intrigued. If she is very brief or unresponsive, well she isn’t interested. Around five messages after, suggest you continue the conversation with lunch or coffee and there you go.
Having a solid sense of direction when it comes to first meeting/speaking to a woman will definitely give you more confidence, you have a good roadmap to follow and you know how to stay on track. Now from there, you’ve got the first date, vetting, courtship, relationship, engagement, etc etc…
..though let’s just stick to one step at a time, yes?
Now you’ve got the lunch/coffee, it’s time for the second D.