Still reading after finding out I’m not a religious Conservative?
Kidding! That’s alright.
In fact, I’ve only received the warmest regards and comments from women in the same category when I wrote my first post, so I thought I could elaborate my stance about religion a little more.
Simply because I am not a Christian, does not mean I dislike Christianity or even Catholicism. I dislike the harm it has caused in the past and some of the prejudices it causes today. Though really, in my general view, Christianity hardly poses much of a threat in the modern Western world. A lot of people find it easy to turn away or ignore Christianity. There are an increasing amount of atheists and agnostics.
You know what, though?
I still go to Church.
Yes, I do. I am a baptised Catholic and I did complete my First Communion so I have all the rights to go to a traditional Catholic church (I have a strong distaste for liberal churches like some of the Baptists or worse, Anglicans). I actually very much enjoy going to Church, which I do every now and then with my SO. He is also a baptised Christian, so we have that in common.
The Church is definitely a place of refuge, though it used to be a bit frightening to me in the past. The statues of weeping saints and Mary, the gargoyles and the blood and all that frightened me asa child. I understand fear was definitely evoked in order to encourage you to seek out more comfort in Christ. It had been a tactic.
Now, it just inspires awe and a sense of grandeur to me, since a lot of Churches look beautiful, the choir music calms and brings a sense of inner peace. The messages from the Bible that the priest preaches about definitely has good lessons and reminds me of some great values to think about through the week. and how I can apply them.
Another interesting point I think on when I’m in Church is that it makes me feel..small.
Under the grandiose buildings, architecture and art, the massive statues of Jesus and Mary looking down at you, you feel so human, just one part of many and it reminds me of the importance of humility. To keep an open mind and always be willing to listen to possible answers. To accept that I do not know everything and have much to learn, guidance to accept if it comes. I’m human, I make mistakes and I just have to try my best.
Despite technically being an agnostic and not devout to Christianity- I actually still pray at times. I don’t believe that there is no God. I believe that God may exist, though in various ways that we don’t expect. He could be just tired after all this time, trying to focus on Himself, He could be more human and just trying to get on. I personally do not believe He is perfect and knows and does everything- or that God is even just a one He.
There could be a pantheon. Sometimes I think God or the Gods are more human than we think, they have the same talents and flaws, though probably to a greater extent and with bigger effects since they have powers and can live forever. Maybe sometimes they don’t listen to prayers because they are busy or have been wronged by humans so many times. Maybe sometimes they are up to no good, they aren’t perfect all the time. The Christian God is a jealous God, while the Greek pantheon have Gods who also gets jealous, angry, happy and generally moody.
You never really know.
Yet when I am in the middle of a Catholic Church, I accept the fact that the God in front of me could be the real one. The only God. With that possibility I talk to Him, ask him how he is, tell him a little about my thoughts on my life lately and if he has some guidance, I’m happy to accept it if it comes. This is a rare occurrence.
More commonly, I converse and pray to Mother Mary. I ask her how she is, tell her a bit about me and what’s going on with my life and I ask her for a very important thing. To lend me constant guidance, if she could, about being a good matriarch and nurturing woman to my family and all the ones I love.
So I can be prepared to become a wife and mother who brings lots of light, love and refuge as the heart of the home and the family.