Dating · Traditional Values

Politics & Values: You Just Gotta Match ‘Em All


Yes it was a horrible Pokemon pun and I should know better.

I won’t apologise since I don’t feel like it.

Recently I was at a dinner with some lovely family friends and my SO and we were chatting about relationships and compatibility. They mentioned that sometimes people in relationships may have different views in politics and they have to respect each other for it.

I definitely believe in respect and I acknowledge its vast importance in relationships. Yet, I had to disagree on the final point of that statement altogether. To me, it just doesn’t work that way.

Politics always traces back to values and priorities in life, thus I truly believe for a couple to be greatly compatible they have to be nearly identical in political beliefs.

While they can respect each other for different political beliefs, they won’t last long if their values don’t align with each other and their priorities don’t match. Each side, left and right, have different sets of these and they are glaringly obvious. In general the Left likes to push social boundaries, have more forced equalisation within genders and groups of people with the idea of sameness and other similar ideas. The Right tends to value order and tradition, everyone has a place and a role and there is little change accepted. The Left are much more individualistic while the Right can be more group-minded. These are just general concepts, mind you.

In the modern world, being Right-wing or more Conservative means you believe in more traditional social structures like families and gender roles/differences. If you have a fairly Left-wing partner, chances are they would not be so keen on traditional marriage fairly soon or commitment for social adherence. It just wouldn’t work.

Additionally, there are also plenty of Lefties who won’t tolerate even being close to someone from the Right. I do know someone Right-wing who started dating someone who was very Left leaning and was yelled at (of course they soon ended this relationship) for being a Trump supporter, to the point they were in tears. This is not fair in a relationship and unless one partner is more ‘centre’ based and has an open mind to listening to other sides of politics, it will be difficult being with them.

Politics are not just one aspect of life, they trace back to someone’s beliefs and influences their actions, way beyond the voting booth.

It is horribly surprising as to how many people neglect examining each other’s values before entering a relationship and instead focus on more aesthetic aspects. Surface-level stuff.
Oh do we have the same hobbies? Like the same music and movies? Do we both like similar fashion? Do we like the same novels or go to the same cafes?

This stuff doesn’t matter, even when online dating profiles imply that they should and that these things influence compatibility. They don’t at all. In fact, if you have different hobbies and interests, you will have lots of things to do when you’re not together for some quality me-time. You don’t have to do everything together. My SO once said that all those couples that look like a carbon copy each other seem just like creepy clones

“We love the same foods.”
“We often drink the same long macchiato in this cafe together.”
“We both watch Game of Thrones together, every single episode every night.”

You have found your official clone, so go back to the spaceship you came in together, with the rest of the colony and fly back to space.

Seriously, differences in surface-level aspects can be very interesting and compatible. This also applied to gendered skills and traditional roles, which I believe in very strongly. With values and beliefs though? That’s non-negotiable, stick to your clone when it comes to that and you will have a smoother, longer-lasting relationship.

I still remember the day my SO and I first met, we were starting to discuss politics and hinting at our sides, criticising on various things until I told him:

“You don’t mean..the F word, right? That thing you hate?”
Him: (gasps and whispers) You mean..feminism!

Just like that, we both heaved a great sigh of relief, slightly red-faced from our excited, rushed chatter and we never turned back from that day all the way ’til now.

Forget loving long walks to the beach together.

Ask each other first if you both own a MAGA hat.

Then bingo.

4 thoughts on “Politics & Values: You Just Gotta Match ‘Em All

  1. Great post and thoughts, Alex.

    I think, though, that this is of course just a good beginning, to be well matched in beliefs, priorities, and values as expressed in politic views and adherences. There is still the matter of compatibility on an emotional and empathetic, and practical level. Are both prospective partners productive and balanced in their appropriate gendered ways, and thus complementary to each other, for example? But there is room for growth in this regard if one or both are lacking in some ways. It just makes things harder and less certain I guess.



    1. Thanks for that, Dan!
      I definitely agree with you that it is just the beginning. My idea was that this is just a good point to start from and definitely vital. Of course it really matters whether both partners are productive as well and know their roles. This has to be applied as well.


  2. Great topic and points you’ve made. I tend to be more left leaning politically and I know I just wouldn’t work well with a far right conservative. We would just have too many differences in how to live. It’s one thing having friends that are on the other side of the spectrum but it’s different when they are your significant other.


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