As a traditional woman myself, I am quite aware of the difficulties faced by traditional women who are entering the dating scene. A couple of my friends have become more traditional as of late and even pen pals who do write to me have expressed that concern.
I have spoken with these women and I have lingered on this topic for a while now.
I was in that position, too. Dating can be difficult since being a traditional woman seems to be a niche nowadays and you can become quite unsure how much of the men out there would appreciate you the way you are and it can easily become hopeless. At the start of my blog, I think I did have a cynical tone that was more akin to that. I admit that.
Yet, it is time to accept reality as to how the dating game could be. It is difficult, especially in a very brainwashed society that thinks feminism should be the norm and gender roles should be looked down upon, even though they are quite beneficial. A traditional lifestyle where men and women work according to their gender roles and don’t subscribe to economic paranoia and social pressures is a rare one. I only know a small handful of people who live by that, including my own family in the past and in the present.
Accept the reality that it is hard, though there is a way to lighten your mind and a better frame to see through in order to make the dating journey a bit easier. Here are just some thoughts that have occurred to me. Some may seem obvious to many already, though I think we can all use a bit of a reminder.
You are who you are.
Your values are yours, as rare and unusual as they may be and no matter how much society may want to discriminate against it and stifle it. You can’t change your values by force. If you shift your values in order to cater to the other person, you will always feel wrong inside and you won’t find true happiness.
Dates are all about learning.
Many women, both traditional and modern, look at a date as a potential- is he the one or not? They look for positive signs and start vetting, vetting is the right thing to do, for sure. However, this can easily lead to disappointment when nothing comes of it and you will become easily emotionally fatigued. Think of meeting people this way: what can I learn from this experience?
- Would I learn more about presenting myself well?
- Would I learn what to inquire about and how to inquire about topics?
- Would I learn how to become more observant for vetting?
Someone once told me that dating is a skill and that is true. When I say ‘presenting myself well’, I don’t mean lying or polishing yourself. Most dates start with a small lunch or coffee with limited time. How can you talk about yourself, your values and your interests in a light, shorter way so they can understand you well in a short amount of time, or at least have a good idea of you? These things take time to learn.
When it comes to dating, present yourself and what you believe in a simple way, learn more about the other person and cover the important vetting points. Just let them know what you are about and what your values are all about. If that’s not what they’re all about, well it was good to chat about them and have a great time then they could go on with their life. If that’s what they’re all about and they passed the vetting- well then, you can both see how this whole dating and eventually relationship thing goes for the both of you.
Ease the pressure and focus on learning. Stop asking, is he the one?
Since time will be the one to tell you that.