You triumphed at dating and now you have yourself a traditional relationship. Congratulations!
Or maybe you already are in a relationship and you want to shift to a more traditional, respectful relationship that honors both your strengths. Lovely.
Traditional relationships are very structured and have very clear values and boundaries, which make it very easy to understand and practice in your life. It all goes back to biology and the natural strengths and talents of men and women, emotionally. While it is not an absolute, since there may be some exceptions and slight changes, the idea itself is the most important.
I have covered traditional relationships in this blog for a while now, usually my own and you are welcome to explore and read through my accounts and thoughts, though they are all united by strong, clear values that I will bring together here, however, before I do that – we need to make sure that in your relationship, you have picked a decent man and that you two do share values.
TRADITIONAL VETTING – 7 CHECKS
This is done through Vetting.
Vetting is the act of selecting a partner through the process of checkpoints and rejecting based on a direct conflict with those checkpoints or a lack thereof.
What are those checkpoints? Your values and admirable traits.
[ ] Do your values match?
I’ve mentioned this before, yet this requires reiterating for emphasis. For a traditional relationship to work, you both would need to believe in the honorable skills of men as providers and protectors and women as nurturers and carers of the home, prioritising home and family time over materialism and modernity. Of course, this means just as willing and skilled you are in the domestic area of life, he is also stable and believes in providing for you both and your future family. You respect each other’s duties.
[ ] Is he clear of unhealthy habits?
This means that he looks after his health and his body, if you are not a smoker then of course, he shouldn’t be either. Is he clear of any habits such as drinking excessively (or worse, drugs), excessive gaming/technology or gambling? These are big red flags that should not be tolerated at all since they are a clear path to major problems down the line.
 Is he kind?
Indeed, this truly matters. How does he interact towards young children? Women and his mother? Is he polite and pleasant to speak to? If he frequently shows kindness and helps others (which is different from being a pushover), as well as you, then you have a good one in your hands.
 Is he true to his word?
When he makes promises and plans, does he commit to it? That shows how reliable he is as a man. If you want a future partner and husband to journey through life with and have a family with, he needs to be someone you can trust and rely on.
 Is he truthful?
Many people in the world are habitual liars and usually for all the wrong reasons. This is because they are committing wrongs that would damage those they love and only want situations to benefit them. If he lies to you and others in his life, this a heavy warning sign that you should not be spending your life with this man.
 Do you have the same relationship timeline?
Timelines matter since you would want spend the best of your time with each other, not waiting for the other to get a move on, or feeling as if you are being rushed. If your timeline to engagement, marriage and children match, that is a great sign. Otherwise, you would need to either negotiate or go your separate ways.
 Does he have decent friends?
Your friends, to some extent, define you. Obviously people spend time with their friends since they enjoy their ideas and in general, hanging out with them. If his friends are demonstrating many of these red flags as above, ask yourself as to what would stop your man from doing the same thing.
TRADITIONAL RELATIONSHIPS – 7 VALUES
1. Respect Your Man, Let Him Lead (to an extent)
There is a reason why I mentioned vetting first. If your man is in the clear and proves himself to be admirable, true and loving, then he is worth respecting and he is obviously good at making decisions in his life. He had done so to get to the great place he is in and to become the good person he is now. When it comes to going out together (on a small scale) and major life decisions as a couple (on a large scale), let him lead and make the decisions BUT with your counsel. You are the first mate to his captain, he makes no move or decision without consulting you and compromising, if need be. Having your respect for his character and his ability to make decisions motivates a good man to do even better. In turn, this will also motivate you, then both of you would be striving to be better for each other.
2. Have Faith In Your Man, Trust Him
Similarly to respecting your man, once he does make that decision, unless there is anything dangerous or seriously damaging or life-changing (which needs to be negotiated or compromised) then trust him and his decisions and let him learn from its success or failure. A woman’s faith means so much to a man, it gives him the responsibility to do well for the both of you and if he is a decent man, having that responsibility is a great motivator for him to do his best and consider all aspects in making good decisions. Sometimes these responsibilities also bring pressure and if he needs your help and comfort, be ready to offer it. A woman’s support is priceless. Just remember though, he needs to check with you as you are his second-in-command and advisor. Leaders who act alone are just tyrants.
3. Let Your Man Look After You
Truly traditional men want to provide for and protect their woman. They want to make sure you are safe and have what you need. Men are physically stronger than women and this is the biology that has lead them to act this way. While this is diluted so much by the modern feminist brainwashing and delusion, encourage it in your man and appreciate how he looks after you by caring for him in turn. Appreciate what he does and don’t forget to be grateful, sometimes that’s all it takes to give him plenty of motivation in life. Knowing he has such a positive impact on your lives.
4. Spend Quality Time In Simple Ways
Part of being a traditional woman is to live simply, within your means without sucking away the joy of life. While you can spend money and enjoy yourselves, there are also simpler ways to have quality time. Talk together over cosy drinks, listen to radio shows while doing your own thing, be near each other and just have that space shared with one another. The strength of a couple’s relationships also strongly relies on the little moments they share affection and time. The value they put into it, which is often lost in the modern rush of life.
5. Don’t Talk Negatively About Your Man To Others
Simple as that. Unless you are seeking proper advice and think you can get some constructive criticism about an issue (or it is a very serious issue), don’t vent about your man just for the sake of feeling good about venting. Not only does this paint a horrible picture of your man to your friends and acquaintances (who will then view and treat him badly), you will often regret it too. Sometimes we get caught in the heat of the moment, which happens, though for others they don’t feel the heat you do so they will usually believe it permanently. Let some feelings pass or vent to a professional who will keep it confidential. Oh and also, if your friends acquaintances start thinking negatively about your partner, you then look like a bigger idiot for choosing to be with such a horrible partner!
6. Be A Place of Comfort
In general, men have plenty of pressures in life- they are expected to be tougher than women, to be able to handle more and ‘man up’. For honourable men who need to protect and provide for their families, the worry of not doing well enough or fighting the obstacles and challenges in their career for that purpose can be exhausting. As women, we need to care for our men and be the refuge, emotional refuge they need to fall back on and regain strength from. This is one of the reasons why I strongly discourage two full-income families. With two careers both partners are constantly stressed and short in time, there’s less emotional space to be a refuge and comfort if you yourself are under that weight.
7. Don’t Compare Your Man To Others
Comparing, while to an extent can be used as a motivator if there is genuine improvement needed, is not supposed to be a tool for humiliation. It is heavily endorsed now in the media (like in Sex & The City, Modern Family, etc) for women to degrade their men by comparing them to ‘better’ men, to make themselves feel superior and for a good laugh. Sometimes, they do it to directly humiliate and berate their men. This is harmful. Every human has their flaws and it’s important to look at their individual flaws and work through them, out of genuine concern and in order to be a good partner to you and a good man for the family. That’s the goal – not to become or be like someone else. Is he a kind and caring partner? Does he provide and protect? That’s what matters, not his similarity to someone else. It’s about what applies to you and your family.
Note: Since this is addressed to women, this article mainly focuses on what you, as the other partner, can do. Which is to make sure to check everything you need to check to ensure you pick a great guy and work your best to be a great gal for him as well. You can’t change a man and you can’t manipulate him either, so there’s no point in telling you what to do to change him or what to do for him. You can only control yourself. In any relationship, good and bad things can happen, it is important to recognise in either party that bad things, including abuse, should never be tolerated. Unhealthy relationships that are based on manipulation and hurtfulness are abusive and should be left as soon as possible, seeking help is the vital first step. Two out of three abused partners are women and one out of three are men, it happens to both and I’ve seen this personally. Seek help. Someone who doesn’t respect you and care for you is no decent partner.
Traditional vetting and relationships are not a quick and easy thing to talk about. There’s so many values and points to focus on, though here I have tried my best to cover the main values and points of importance when it comes to vetting for a good partner. It’s merely a rough guide. While it’s also tailored for straight couples, non-straight couples can apply it how they like (I don’t know enough about non-straight couples so that’s your business).
The main idea is to respect and trust each other, once you’ve determined you are both good partners and people. Respect and trust is the scaffold for love, since you accept each other and have faith in one another. This leads to a strong partnership in life and a deep connection. Attraction and excitement is only on the surface.
It’s knowing you can put your lives in each other’s hands and walk down that path together as one that creates a strong, lasting love.
Traditional love and living is not easy, though it is very much full of value and joy, you can find great fulfilment through the struggles and the quality time, with family and the one you love.
All the best, my domestic ladies. I’ll always be here to help you.